The Missteps in Misguided Motivation: How to Realign
We’ve all been there — driven by a motivation that felt right at the time, only to realize later it was quietly steering us away from what matters most. This is the pull of misguided motivation — when our actions look purposeful on the surface but are, in truth, out of sync with our deepest values.
Over time, that misalignment can leave us feeling unfulfilled, drained, and wondering why the “success” we’ve been chasing doesn’t feel like success at all.
Whether you’re navigating a career change, leading a team, or making a big life decision, the question isn’t just “Am I working hard?” but “Am I working toward what truly matters to me?”
Recognizing Misguided Motivation
Motivation science makes it clear: why we pursue a goal matters just as much as the goal itself. Self-Determination Theory, developed by Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, explains that we all have three core psychological needs — autonomy, competence, and relatedness.
When these needs are met, we’re fueled by autonomous motivation — the kind driven by personal values and genuine interest. But when our choices are guided by pressure, fear, or external reward (controlled motivation), those needs go unmet. The result? Even when we “win,” we often feel depleted, disengaged, or burned out.
I had my own reminder of this recently. I’d been feeling disconnected and frustrated with my lack of commitment to my physical fitness and well-being. On the surface, I had the “goal” — but in a conversation with my own coach, I realized my motivation was sitting squarely in the controlled zone. Using the Energy Leadership™ lens, I could see I was showing up at the No Power / No Choice (“I won’t”), Limited to No Choice (“I have to”), or Low Power / Somewhat at Choice (“I need to”) levels — all fueled by obligation and pressure, not purpose.
When I stepped back and connected my fitness goals to my larger life purpose — creating a happier, healthier, kinder world one person at a time — everything shifted. The language changed from “I won’t,” “I have to,” and “I need to” into “I want to” and “I choose to.” The difference wasn’t in the workout itself; it was in the energy and meaning behind it.
Spotting the Signs Before You Burn Out
That fitness example wasn’t just a personal insight — it was a reminder of how subtle and pervasive misguided motivation can be. Left unchecked, it shows up in familiar ways:
You’re hitting milestones but feeling little satisfaction.
Your choices are shaped more by others’ expectations than your own values.
You’re emotionally exhausted — not just from workload, but from living out of alignment with what you believe.
You choose the “safe” route because of fear of failure, even when it means bypassing opportunities that excite you.
If you recognize yourself in even one of these, it’s worth looking at what’s driving your decisions — because that’s where the shift begins.
Where Misguided Motivation Comes From
Misguided motivation doesn’t just happen — it grows out of predictable traps. Understanding them makes it easier to avoid falling in again.
External validation bias — In a 2000 study, psychologists Lilach Sagiv and Shalom Schwartz explored how personal values shape well-being. They found that prioritizing social approval over personal values can undermine long-term satisfaction, even when external success is achieved. If your decisions are made more for applause than alignment, fulfillment is likely to stay out of reach.
Short-term wins over long-term meaning — Immediate results feel good, but if they’re disconnected from deeper aspirations, the momentum fades fast. Landing a promotion might feel great — but if it takes you further from work you care about, the glow will fade.
Comparison thinking — Constantly measuring yourself against others erodes authenticity and creates unnecessary pressure. Social media only makes it worse, showing you the polished highlight reel while hiding the messy truth.
Fear of failure — While a healthy level of caution can prevent reckless choices, chronic fear of failure often keeps us in environments or roles that feel “safe” but stifle growth. Psychologists call this loss aversion — our tendency to avoid losses more strongly than we seek equivalent gains. This bias can lead to choosing paths that protect us from discomfort in the short term, even if they conflict with our deeper aspirations in the long run.
Recognizing the trap is step one. Step two is replacing it with a more authentic, purpose-aligned way of moving forward.
Realigning with Core Values
Once you spot the signs of misguided motivation, the next step is to realign — and that starts with your values. Psychologists Michael Kernis and Brian Goldman describe authenticity as having four key elements:
Self-awareness — knowing what you value and believe.
Unbiased processing — seeing yourself clearly without distortion or denial.
Behavior — acting in ways that reflect your values.
Relational orientation — showing up as your genuine self with others.
Their 2006 work on authenticity shows that people who consistently act from this foundation tend to experience greater self-esteem, resilience, and life satisfaction.
Authenticity starts with knowing and accepting who you are — but it doesn’t end there. Once you have that clarity, the next step is aligning your goals with that truth. This is where the self‑concordance model comes in. Psychologists Kennon Sheldon and Andrew Elliot found that when the goals we pursue reflect our authentic interests and values (rather than being driven by external pressure), we experience more persistence, higher achievement, and deeper well‑being over time. In other words: it’s not just what you’re aiming for, but whether it’s truly yours.
Here's how to put this into practice:
Step 1: Identify your true purpose
Journal about the moments you’ve felt most alive and proud.
Notice which activities spark curiosity and joy.
Ask trusted people when they’ve seen you at your best.
Step 2: Anchor your actions to your values
Use your values as a decision filter.
Set goals that challenge you but feel meaningful.
Ask regularly: “Is this bringing me closer to my purpose, or drifting me away?”
Knowing your values is your compass. But you also need fuel. That’s the energy you bring to the work — and it’s the difference between “pushing” and being pulled by purpose.
The Energy Behind Your Motivation
The Energy Leadership™ framework, developed by Bruce D. Schneider and iPEC, offers a powerful lens for understanding this. It shows that our thoughts, emotions, and actions operate at different energy levels — some draining (catabolic), others empowering (anabolic).
When motivation comes from lower energy levels like fear, resentment, or avoidance, it’s often unsustainable. When it’s fueled by higher levels like curiosity, possibility, and connection, it supports long‑term drive and fulfillment.
Level 1 or 2 energy often sounds like “I have to” or “I should” — signs of controlled motivation, driven by obligation or frustration.
Level 5 or 6 energy often sounds like “I get to” or “I want to” — signs of autonomous motivation, driven by choice and purpose.
This was exactly what shifted for me in my recent fitness example. At first, my energy was low and my choices were rooted in control — “I have to exercise” or “I need to work out.” Once I linked my fitness goals to my deeper purpose of creating a happier, healthier, kinder world one person at a time, my energy rose. The “I have to” became “I want to,” and the resistance I’d been feeling was replaced with genuine enthusiasm.
Values alignment determines what you’re aiming for. Energy awareness determines how you experience the journey — and whether you can sustain it.
Applying It When It Counts
The real test of values and energy alignment comes during moments of change and decision-making — a career pivot, a leadership challenge, a personal reinvention.
When your personal values align with your direction in life, you’re more resilient, engaged, and able to maintain well‑being even in uncertainty. Energy Leadership™ builds on this by helping you choose the mindset and energy level that keep you resourceful instead of reactive.
For example:
Facing a career shift? Your values clarify the right next step; your energy determines whether you see it as an opportunity or a threat.
Leading through change? Your values anchor your decisions; your energy influences how your team experiences that change.
When values and energy are working together, you have both the compass and the fuel to move forward.
The Takeaway and a next step
Misguided motivation isn’t about lack of effort — it’s about effort misdirected. Realignment starts with knowing your values, then choosing actions and energy levels that reflect them. When your values are your compass and your energy is your fuel, you have both the direction and the drive to sustain momentum.
If you want to go deeper in understanding your current energy patterns — and how they influence your motivation, leadership, and fulfillment — the Energy Leadership Index™ (ELI) is a research-backed assessment and debrief that gives you a personalized snapshot of how you show up across different situations.
You’ll see where your energy is working for you, where it’s holding you back, and how to shift from “I have to” into “I want to” more often. The ELI doesn’t just tell you what you’re doing — it uncovers the why behind it, giving you the awareness and tools to lead yourself (and others) with greater choice, purpose, and resilience.
Schedule your ELI Assessment & Debrief here to discover your unique energy profile and create a plan to fuel sustainable motivation in work, life, and everything in between.
That’s when motivation stops being something you chase and becomes something you live — every single day.
